A question was posted yesterday about how I was doing and the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Because yesterday and the day before were when answers became clear.
I’m sorry for not being more communicative about what’s going on. I’m still here. And, yes, I am working on Book 48. The last three months have been difficult here in Diane-land.
At the end of December, my oncologist discovered that the chemo cocktail wasn’t working as well as he wanted it too any longer, so it was time to make a change. At the same time, non-cancer-related things popped up on a CT scan and we decided to deal with those.
The new chemo mixture wiped me out. Exhaustion, blood counts all over the place. Procedures and outside doctor’s appointments caused me to suck it up during off-chemo days. I was taken via ambulance one evening to the ER and spent the night in the hospital. Another time I had to go in for blood transfusions. Anything that seemed like it could go poorly – did. I couldn’t do anything normal – and I shut down because of exhaustion.
Isolating Diane is a bad idea. For a girl who believes she is a hermit, she’s an extrovert-hermit. Even if I can’t be out and about among physical human beings, interacting with y’all online does wonders. But I couldn’t. It took too much.
More procedures and scans and appointments and lab work and then, we’d have to skip chemo because my body didn’t process all that was happening.
Family celebrations – had to skip them. No energy. TB (my cat) kept getting sicker and I knew his end was coming. And apparently, late winter is a bad time of the year for me. I was miserable and nothing seemed to help. I wasn’t eating (hello, diet!) – and no, I don’t need help eating or coming up with things – I have a dietitian and am better.
Two nights ago, I had a long discussion with my sister about the isolation. She’s been worried, but will only push so hard. I am the older sister, you know.
I had an MRI last week and yesterday (Tuesday), I met with my oncologist, worried there would be more procedures to deal with.
Between talking to Carol about how I’ve ignored my joy and allowed the misery of everything to drag me down, and the conversation with my oncologist, I feel as if I’m turning the corner now.
First … no procedures were called for. What happens next is medical (chemo, etc.). Yes, the cancer has spread, but when I heard those words, believe it or not, I felt God telling me we were back on the right track. This can be handled with chemo and he is here with me through it.
Isaiah 41:10 – “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
I will finally have more time to myself, which is when I am at my most creative. I’m well over halfway through Book 48 and I know where it’s going. I just need time to write.
I’m ready to engage online. I have to! I’m a people person, for goodness’ sake. I’ve admitted out loud how I was isolated and how much I need my friends and family to be near. That’s hard for this old lady to admit. I’m pretty independent, you know.
Life will never be whatever I described as fully normal. I’m still trying to recover from the last three months, but it is going to get better. Thank you for hanging with me through it all.
I desperately need your prayers (as does everyone you come into contact with). Thank you for notes and cards of encouragement. Thank you for caring about me. Thanking you for asking. You all mean the world to me and as Carol and I talked, we discussed how important my community is. Thank you.
And right now, Polly’s waded into another fine mess and it’s probably time for me to have her call Henry and alleviate his concerns.
