So, what’s a girl to do when she has a youth group filled with ornery brats and she’s all by herself? Nothing is ever normal with Diane. We’ll start with that. I’ll get back to this story in a minute.
I was pretty young when I started teaching my first Sunday School class. They needed someone for sixth grade and who better to steal out of the best, most fun class (my mother’s)? Her daughter. I was really worried about it, though. How would I keep order with those horrible rug rats? Mom’s advice to me was that every time things started getting out of control, I was to stop and ask them to pray with me. Well, duh. That first Sunday we prayed a lot. But I got through it and gained some confidence.
That approach didn’t work forever. I always figured out which boys were the orneriest first and went after their hearts. Those boys were who I needed on my side right away because they could disrupt things in a heartbeat. Snotty little girls? I just told ’em to shut up. I’d been down that path and knew exactly what they were up to.
Then came the night that I had scores of kids in one room while their parents were all off having fun at some church event. I hadn’t had time to get these kids on my side and not only were they completely wired, but they ranged in age from first to sixth grade. Whoa.
It only took a heartbeat and one horrible little brat and I knew exactly what to do. The kid was the son of one of my friends, so I knew I was safe. I threatened (knowing that you never threaten a kid without being prepared to follow through) to lick his face if he did it one more time. He did it … and so did I. The rest of the room was so flabbergasted by what I had done, that they dropped right into line and we had a wonderful time.
Fast forward to the next church I attended. More kids. More trouble. It had worked so well the first time, I began threatening to lick faces if they got out of line. Everyone thought it was a riot and the threat actually worked. Nobody knew whether or not I’d actually do it. But then things went far enough that I knew I was up against the wall. I identified one of the boys as my target. His mother was again a friend of mine and I was certain that he showered regularly. Before he knew what had happened, I licked his face. The group was stunned into silence. Once every four years or so, I had to prove myself and soon enough, my reputation had been built. It was awesome.
Moral of the story? Sometimes you just gotta be a little crazy. Oh, maybe not. It’s a fun live I’ve led so far!
And truthfully, I got the whole thing from my Dad. You NEVER put your hand over his mouth without being prepared to have it licked.
And, just so you don’t forget, Book 15 – Capture the Moments – comes out on Sunday, the 25th! I’m ready to have this in your hands. Book 16 is already working its way out.